No-one wants to be sad.
Sad, depressed, anxious, fearful, lonely… etc.
As much as you seem to think, we really, truly, don’t enjoy it and don’t want to feel this way.
But. Understand this.
When you feel frustrated as your family/friend/partner falls into yet another self destructive cycle, there is a world of emotions, thought processes, actions that lead them back to their demise.
There is a sense of comfort and security in these negative emotions that grace us everyday *pause for scoffs of disbelief*.
Let me put it into perspective.
Envision a darkened bedroom, in which you’re lying in bed. Yes, there is better things to do but your comfortable, everything is familiar, there is an easiness to just lying there. But then, figurative mum walks in, she pulls open the curtains and in streams the sunshine, so bright and blinding, offensive to the eyes. You quickly close the curtain and let the relief of the darkened room and the removal of the offensive sunlight flood you.
So, the darkened room in this equation is your mind and the associated negative emotions we are dealing with. Everyone outside of it, who’s already up and now enjoying the sunlight is thinking, “Why on earth would they want to be all holed up in there, all dark and gloomy… Why don’t they just get up?!”.
However, you, who are residing in the darkened room, find comfort in the darkness and as your eyes have adjusted to this said darkness, the new addition of sunlight (positive emotion – happiness, joy, love etc.) is offensive, it’s overwhelming and quite often you end up flustered, unable to deal with it and so you therefore (sometimes intentionally and other times unintentionally) close the figurative curtain and block out the sunlight… a.k.a. you have a positive change or emotion in your life, and rather then getting up and embracing/building on it, you freak out and shut down (self destruct), because being sad is now your normal.
As strange as it might sound, happiness is a foreign emotion to some. It can be frightening because you only get the sense that it’s lifting you higher so that your inevitable drop back down to reality will be harsher. So you protect yourself and never let yourself get too high.
Often it won’t be something dramatic like most would associate with ‘self-destruction’… in fact our strongest tool of self destruction is our mind and our thoughts. Something positive might happen, for example the blossoming of a new relationship, and in will flow the thoughts ‘You’re not wanted, it will never amount to anything, it’s just physical, you’re too complicated, you’ve got too much baggage’. And slowly, those walls will rise and you’ll slink away into the safety of your darkness where they can’t hurt you more.
So, I know it’s hard to understand, and every person is so very different. But have a little patience with us, because self destructing is a protection mechanism for a very broken person. Sometimes it’s easier to stay at our lowest point (as much as our logical side doesn’t want to be there) because there is so much less risk associated with being sad. It’s not that we don’t want to get better, it’s that we’re afraid that the we’ll never be able to resurface from another blow…